I am overwhelmed at the writing of this blog. My heart goes out to anyone who is feeling broken. I have been broken and I know the feeling well. The question is what to do with the overwhelming feeling of sorrow?
Many of my patients confide in me as their doctor with hopes that I am able to help them with their brokenness. Brokenness without hope or end in sight. Most of the time, all I am able to do is just sit there and listen. The healing power of being present and just listening is all I have to offer. My heart goes out to every single one of them.
More recently I was in a patient's room with the team of doctors: this patient faced severe intractable abdominal pain that was debilitating. All of our medical examinations and tests had come up silent as to what may be causing her pain. To us doctors it would be easy to write this pain off as emotional and the kind of pain you tell the patient to "just deal with it." But in the end there is no denying that this patient truly feels this pain. After we left the room, my shoulders were slumped as I felt the weight of yet another case I could not help. Then I got a call from the nurse: "the patient would like to speak with you, no one else." As I returned to the room by myself, I just sat and listened to the patient describe her brokenness and frustration as tears streamed down her face. Once again all I could do is listen and pray to God that this pain would stop tormenting her abdomen.
One time during my training in med school, I heard of a patient that was requesting vitamins because he couldn't afford groceries to eat. Although I was able to help out with a small amount of money at the time, I never forgot about him. So overwhelmingly sad.
The most remarkable story I ever heard was one of my patients who in meeting her for the first time looked upset. I apologized for being late in seeing her in the office as I thought that this was the reason why she was upset. She confided in me that she was actually upset because she was hearing voices. She had never told anyone else about this. I asked her how long and she mentioned that she had been hearing voices since she was a teenager. When I asked her whether she remembers if there was any trigger that caused her to start hearing voices, she immediately recalled that all of this started after she was molested by her own mother. Now she deals with the daily struggle of constantly hearing the voices, all while raising five daughters as a single mother.
I could recount countless other stories of people I have met that are so overwhelming and difficult to bear: suicide, war, hurt, hatred, loneliness, rejection, pain, depression, hunger, disability, death, sickness, disaster, devastating accidents.
God is love, but the question that always lingers is "why would he allow of this suffering?" Many times I have personally asked him, "why would you let this happen to ME?" With regards to this question, I can only rest in the fact that God indeed has a reason for allowing everything to occur, including the bad.
The truth is that this world, although it has sparks of beauty and light, is a very dark place because of the brokenness we face. But the hopelessness and despair that we feel is only one small piece of the puzzle. We can only see through our limited experience. The bigger picture is that God loves us and therefore everything that happens, happens for a reason. God even uses our hatred for one another and the natural disasters, somehow redeeming them and turning them around for good. As I read about him, I know that he has a perfect plan, a plan to bring us to everlasting joy, to direct us back to him, to his love.
In my case, for example, if I never would have faced the year long dark depression I faced during my senior year of high school, I probably would not have been so hungry to find God, who was the only one who could truly satisfy my soul.
And the bitterness I felt was so real for a long time. My bitterness was directed against God for allowing me to go through that extreme loneliness. I was bitter beyond belief. But the truth is that he was there the whole time, it just took me a whole year to finally decide to allow him to begin healing my deepest hurts. In the overwhelming brokenness, there was an even more powerful force called LOVE.
The bible mentions that we can let our brokenness go, and exchange these rags for riches of eternal unending love that will forever satisfy. And there is nothing that can separate us from his love.
Therefore when I find myself overwhelmed by brokenness in my own or someone else's life, I remind myself to pray and release these heavy burdens into the hands of our creator, knowing that He alone can heal us and is faithful to make us whole again.
So in the darkness of this world, let there be light...
Many of my patients confide in me as their doctor with hopes that I am able to help them with their brokenness. Brokenness without hope or end in sight. Most of the time, all I am able to do is just sit there and listen. The healing power of being present and just listening is all I have to offer. My heart goes out to every single one of them.
More recently I was in a patient's room with the team of doctors: this patient faced severe intractable abdominal pain that was debilitating. All of our medical examinations and tests had come up silent as to what may be causing her pain. To us doctors it would be easy to write this pain off as emotional and the kind of pain you tell the patient to "just deal with it." But in the end there is no denying that this patient truly feels this pain. After we left the room, my shoulders were slumped as I felt the weight of yet another case I could not help. Then I got a call from the nurse: "the patient would like to speak with you, no one else." As I returned to the room by myself, I just sat and listened to the patient describe her brokenness and frustration as tears streamed down her face. Once again all I could do is listen and pray to God that this pain would stop tormenting her abdomen.
One time during my training in med school, I heard of a patient that was requesting vitamins because he couldn't afford groceries to eat. Although I was able to help out with a small amount of money at the time, I never forgot about him. So overwhelmingly sad.
The most remarkable story I ever heard was one of my patients who in meeting her for the first time looked upset. I apologized for being late in seeing her in the office as I thought that this was the reason why she was upset. She confided in me that she was actually upset because she was hearing voices. She had never told anyone else about this. I asked her how long and she mentioned that she had been hearing voices since she was a teenager. When I asked her whether she remembers if there was any trigger that caused her to start hearing voices, she immediately recalled that all of this started after she was molested by her own mother. Now she deals with the daily struggle of constantly hearing the voices, all while raising five daughters as a single mother.
I could recount countless other stories of people I have met that are so overwhelming and difficult to bear: suicide, war, hurt, hatred, loneliness, rejection, pain, depression, hunger, disability, death, sickness, disaster, devastating accidents.
God is love, but the question that always lingers is "why would he allow of this suffering?" Many times I have personally asked him, "why would you let this happen to ME?" With regards to this question, I can only rest in the fact that God indeed has a reason for allowing everything to occur, including the bad.
The truth is that this world, although it has sparks of beauty and light, is a very dark place because of the brokenness we face. But the hopelessness and despair that we feel is only one small piece of the puzzle. We can only see through our limited experience. The bigger picture is that God loves us and therefore everything that happens, happens for a reason. God even uses our hatred for one another and the natural disasters, somehow redeeming them and turning them around for good. As I read about him, I know that he has a perfect plan, a plan to bring us to everlasting joy, to direct us back to him, to his love.
In my case, for example, if I never would have faced the year long dark depression I faced during my senior year of high school, I probably would not have been so hungry to find God, who was the only one who could truly satisfy my soul.
And the bitterness I felt was so real for a long time. My bitterness was directed against God for allowing me to go through that extreme loneliness. I was bitter beyond belief. But the truth is that he was there the whole time, it just took me a whole year to finally decide to allow him to begin healing my deepest hurts. In the overwhelming brokenness, there was an even more powerful force called LOVE.
The bible mentions that we can let our brokenness go, and exchange these rags for riches of eternal unending love that will forever satisfy. And there is nothing that can separate us from his love.
Therefore when I find myself overwhelmed by brokenness in my own or someone else's life, I remind myself to pray and release these heavy burdens into the hands of our creator, knowing that He alone can heal us and is faithful to make us whole again.
So in the darkness of this world, let there be light...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Jesus
