refreshing contentment

I reflect to moments in my life that I have felt at peace. Whenever it is a windy or rainy day, for whatever reason I feel more at peace. Whenever I am forgiven by somebody I hurt or choose to forgive someone who hurt me. Whenever I choose to forgive myself. Whenever I have worked my butt off at the hospital and my patients are better off for it. Whenever there is a birth in the family. Whenever someone I love texts me just to see how my day is going. Whenever I climb into bed at the end of a long hard-worked day. Whenever I watch a good movie that reminds me of the deeper meaning of life. Whenever I choose to be honest and let out feelings long held hostage. Whenever I take that first sip of icy crisp Coca-Cola on a sunny afternoon. After a good workout. Whenever I watch a sunset. The list goes on.

What would it look like to live a life of peace? What is it about those people that seem so at peace, comfortable in their own skin? Refreshing to be around? You know, whenever I struggle with contentment, I think of these people I have met along the way that truly seem to enjoy their life. They may not have much money, popularity, or be the most good looking person you ever saw. No matter how simple their life is, they are happy. I want to be like that. This just goes to show how more stuff and accomplishments in life won't necessarily bring you to happiness.

I think the secret component that these "magical" people have is contentment. They just seem to be present in the moment, not trying to be elsewhere or distracted by the illusion that they need anything else to be satisfied.

I am pretty sure Jesus must have been like that. In the bible he didn't seem to care to climb the social ladder, or to win the daily Jerusalem popularity contest. He was just present and content, taking his time in every interaction, fully engaged with life as it happened. Putting myself in his sandals, he could've been bogged down by the constant throng of the crowds or found himself overwhelmed by the need of the people. He could have easily suffered anxiety about the pain that one day he would have to endure on the cross, but there is no trace of that in his life's story. I actually think he was at peace because he knew what really mattered in life and maintained this perspective. When constantly surrounded by people, his love and compassion for each individual person he met must've been tangible, carrying him through the most difficult of days.

Speaking of contentment or lack thereof, last year was a difficult year in my training. The first six months I was practically living in the hospital with less than 6 hours of sleep per night. By the time the summer came around, I was burnt out. And I spent the second half of the year recovering on easier rotations. It got to the point that I would get excited if patients didn't show up to their appointments or just dreaded having to get up out of bed for another day of work. For a long while there I was off balance and unhappy.

During these hard times, I would get disappointed with myself thinking about how I am doing what I always dreamed about (being a doctor) and how I have everything I need in life, yet I was still unhappy and discontent with life.

Solomon (wisest man to ever exist) speaks to this subject in Ecclesiastes where he writes how meaningless the pursuit of pleasure is, comparing it to chasing after the wind. However in regards to contentment he mentions "Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God."

Contentment in life is therefore not dependent on our lot in life, but is completely dependent on God.

To illustrate my point I will share that very recently I was simply exhausted and overwhelmed by the current hardships life was throwing at me and it was around the time that my church was having their yearly conference. I had been praying for God to give me contentment amidst the struggle. Then on the first night of conference I felt overwhelmed by God's love for me and felt that God was telling me: Are you content just being loved by me?

Wow.

This reminded me that life is a love-story from God to his children. We get to go through life and its ups and downs and we get to interact with its beauty and complexity. However, during the good times, we usually take stuff for granted and don't take full advantage of the life we get to live. Then during the bad times, we forget that amidst the struggle, his unending love is still explicitly interwoven into every second of our life. So his question for us is: Whether you are facing one of the most awesome or darkest moments of your life, are you content simply being loved by God?

I believe that in the end, there is no secret key to contentment besides the perspective that God loves us and sustains us. And his love is greater than any storm you will ever face. In those moments it doesn't have to be fun or easy, but maybe if we keep the perspective that God loves us so much and has us right where we are for a reason, maybe it can make it a bit more tolerable to put one foot in front of the other.